Jumping off the ledge

Well I finally did it. I jumped right off that ole ledge and took a stand. Not the result I was looking for. I was really hoping it would never come to this but it has so what can I do. He will find another long before I do. History will repeat itself and I am left standing on my own. The very thing I dreamt about but now I dread. Why? Because I have been so used to letting my life be rules by another that I am uncertain of what I should be doing. I couldn’t have picked a better time! No one to help me. No one to even lean on or talk to through the transition. I think he was sad for a day. Now he is just fine and relived to not have to deal with me. Still no honesty. Never will give me honesty. So what do I do? I must get focused on important things. I have a full load of classes and too much homework to slack off even for a moment. I cleaned all day today to try to keep myself busy but it only worked so long as I didn’t talk to him. A mess is what I am. After mistreatment and being used for so long – oh and he disguises it so well. Makes sure that no one sees the truth – oh but I see. I see the way you look at my kids. I know the things you say to them and about them.
I know I did the right thing so why am I mourning and grieving you ask? It is still a loss. A person that I truly love so much. My hearts desire was that they love me back in a healthy way but that was not in the plan.
So finish the first beer I have had in weeks and go to bed I will. I will rise early morning and run my hurt an pain away.

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