Wake up girl! 

  I think I may have been caught with my pants down or sleeping through the past 18 months.. No.. Its a fact! I have been day dreaming instead of seeing things for what they are. Unfortunatley, I seem to have quite a knack for this actually. 

You see, when your a woman that prides herself on loyalty, I mean the kind of loyalty that probits any “gray areas” it opens the door for all manner of users and abusers. They can spot women like me a mile away. As a matter of fact, there are some that actually look for women who are generally good and who love too much.

The problem is, I should know the signs by now.  Maybe I seen them and just ignored them.  Thinking I could somehow change a man from what he truly is. This can not happen any more than I can change the direction of the wind. 

So here I am, yet again, with my heart in my hand, carelessly losing effectivness as I stop breathing to figure out where I’ve been dragged too. I close my eyes to grasp the reality hoping that whem I open them again the pain is no longer. If it remains, it will ever bring to my mind what was and what wasn’t. 

Let go to breathe again. Freely flowing, heart pumping, mind ever wandering as I pull myself up off the floor.  


More than I hoped for 

  I never imagined Texas to be as beautiful as this. The fact that I can camp year round is something to be excited about. Born and raised Michigander here who is used to beong couped up in the house for half  the year has gotten spoiled down here. 
I’ve visited several Texas State Parks since I arrived in 2013 and they are all very nice with beautiful trails, rivers, and nature that surrounds them. 

This picture is actually from Llano on a friends property. The view as I slept in my tent just anove the river was just breath taking. 

A Letter I Wrote To Myself About Getting Fat

Put On Your Happy Face

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Shall we talk about your body?

Your body, which used to be thinner. Which you took for granted, because it fitted into cheap, tight dresses. Your body, which took you up and down Brixton Hill, every day, twice a day, never unheralded by catcalls, the stream of men and their “Oh baby hey baby nice tits nice ass hey WHERE YOU GOING?”

Your body was a girl’s body, made from dancing and late nights and skipped dinners, of hopefulness and sleeplessness and sadness. It took care of itself, or rather, you didn’t care that it couldn’t. It wasn’t for you, and so you didn’t mind that you couldn’t always afford to feed and nurture it. The admiration of others was nourishment enough. You often went to bed feeling empty. You thought it was heartbreak. It was probably hunger.

Then your body became plump with love.

Late dinners and later breakfasts…

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now that is the beginning of the journey to healing. Warmth, water and beauty. It is sights like this that help the yearning smto subside. I will continue to wander and reveal the beauty I discover while revealing the very essence of me. 

Paula Kirby on Life in the GDR.

Such a great read. Thank you.

The View East

I’m  very pleased to be able to publish this online interview with Paula Kirby – a writer who lived and worked in Dresden, East Germany during the 1980s. During her time in Dresden, Paula was monitored by the Stasi, and she recently gained access to her Stasi file.  Paula  is currently writing a novel set in 1980s East Germany and she also regularly tweets about the GDR – you can follow her on Twitter @PaulaSKirby (and we think that if you’re not already following her on Twitter, then you really should be!). Here, Paula reflects on her experiences of living and working in East Germany.

Hi Paula! Thanks very much for agreeing to share your experiences with us. Could you begin by telling us a little about the time you spent living and working in East Germany?

Of course – I was there for two years, from September 1985 to…

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